[whiteperil] Sean: Those jealous dogs / Always on the alert

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Posted by Sean:
Those jealous dogs / Always on the alert
http://whiteperil.com/posts/1210638405.shtml


   A few years ago, my buddy gave his wife a pair of chihuahuas as a
   present. Now that I'm staying with them, they've become my companions.

                           /disingenuoushuas.jpg

   Don't they look adorable?
   Of course--in still photographs. In real life, though, they move.
   I call them the Millicujos.
   They open their little jaws and bark at the slightest noise, often for
   close to a half hour before settling down. Usually, it's the elderly
   elevator in our brownstone that sets them off, but sometimes the
   stimulus appears to originate somewhere around the kitchen skylight--a
   creak caused by the wind? the piping of a bird? Usually I can't make
   it out. No trouble making out their response, though.
   The blond with the limpidly innocent gaze is, you shouldn't need to be
   told, the more implacably hostile of the two when the public isn't
   around to observe. Not by all that much, though. His darker, younger
   brother is a willing accomplice.
   J. and his wife have nicknamed them "the Woofies." This is a courtesy
   title, about as connected with reality as "Princess Di." These two
   wouldn't be able to produce a butch, baritone, thrillingly menacing
   "woof!" if they sold their souls to Cerberus. Even "yap!" errs
   somewhat in the direction of resonance, as far as I'm concerned. My
   conclusion--borne of repeated and lengthy exposure--is that "arp!" is
   the best transcription of the noise they make (and make and make and
   make and make).
   They've grown accustomed to me now, so they'll sometimes jump up into
   my lap when I'm trying to type. Mostly, though, they still eye me with
   deep suspicion. Unless I've just cooked something along the
   savory/buttery/meaty axis, that is. Then I become their new best
   friend. Their little eyes liquefy, and (I swear) they pout. For those
   who've been wondering why they're not hearing more about how adjusting
   to New York has been, a major reason is that I'm too busy defending my
   breakfast eggs.