[thenightwriterblog] Tiger Lilly: It's the cows

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Posted by Tiger Lilly:
It's the cows
http://thenightwriterblog.powerblogs.com/posts/1196124783.shtml


   Be on the lookout for signs of a rebellion.
   No, it's not the terrorists (not the ones you'd expect, anyway) ...
   No, it's not teenagers...
   It's the COWS!!!!
   Yes, you read that right. I've made two long car trips in the last few
   weeks, through the heart of America's farmlands, and I tell you
   there's something suspicious about all the cows. They are plotting to
   take over the world. Sure, they LOOK all innocent when you're driving
   through the country. But before they hear your car coming, they're
   talking in conspiratorial whispers, scheming up ways for world
   domination!
   First, they lull us into a false sense of security. Then, they prey on
   our other sources of food (did you read about that cow who kept eating
   chickens?)
   Third, they send out their NINJA COWS!!! These cows have training
   specially for stealth. And they're always the black ones. Never put a
   black cow at your back. You think everything's just fine, and then
   BAM! You're on the ground.
   Ever notice how cows are usually grouped together, with a few loners?
   Well, the groups are the conspirators, and the loners are the
   look-outs. As soon as they hear a car driving by, or someone walking
   up, they give their secret code and tell everyone to 'look beefy.'
   That's why all you ever see cows do is eat grass.
   Beware the groups of twos and threes. They plot while looking natural.
   While we were driving home from Missouri, we saw a cow line-up.
   Seriously. The cows were all in a line on a distant hill. Probably
   doing a drill or something.
   Ways to keep your house cow proof:
     * Set up a large fence with sentry posts. With any luck, if the cows
       come a-callin', you'll get a meal out of the invasion. Mmm...
       steak.
     * Set up rows of chickens armed with eggs. I'm sure they'll want to
       get back at the cows for eating them.
     * Don't allow groupings of more than two cows in your yard at a
       time. That should slow them down.
     * Pay spy cows to go into the field and listen in on the cow plans.
       You might also want to get a moo interpreter.

   My dad thinks the government sent deer in to spy on the cows (you
   can't trust the cows to do it), but the cows caught on. That's why we
   saw so many dead deer on the road last week. Almost all of them were
   near a field of cows. Black cows. Makes you think.
   But here I've warned you. You may think I'm crazy, to which I say:
   Well, DUH!
   But don't come cryin' to me when your home is invaded by these four
   legged tasty conspirators. That's your problem.
   The sheep and hawks are in on it, too.
   Ciao (no, literally, chow) for now!