[thenightwriterblog] The Night Writer: Hoarse is hoarse, of course, of course

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Posted by The Night Writer:
Hoarse is hoarse, of course, of course
http://thenightwriterblog.powerblogs.com/posts/1168038334.shtml


   It's been quiet around Chez Night the last few days. That's mainly
   because last week my voice wandered off at a rest stop somewhere
   between Missouri and here and has had to hitchhike its way back home.
   (I know I should have been paying more attention, but the cold
   medicine made me groggy). About half of it has made it back as of
   today, and I'm leaving the light on for the rest of it.
   For the past few days my voice has fluctuated somewhere between a
   whisper and a scrape, which has led to some interesting challenges.
   For example, I haven't been able to replace my out-of-office voicemail
   message at work because if I had tried to record anything my callers
   would end up thinking they'd mistakenly called Dial-A-Perv.
   On Wednesday our Executive of the Year came down from Olympus to
   inspect the troops ("Executive-of-the-Year" is not an award but an
   acknowledgement that my Division of the Company has reported up to
   four different super-senior executives in the last five years). I was
   among a group of managers invited to a get-to-know-you luncheon. You
   know what happened: "let's go around the room and say something about
   what you do." Naturally, the EOTY decided to sit at the opposite end
   of the long conference table from me. After five other people had done
   their thing all eyes rolled to me. I stood up (everyone else had
   remained seated), grabbed my lunch plate, and walked all the way
   around the table to an empty chair across from our guest. I then gave
   my name and croaked "I'm responsible for Communications, and the first
   rule of Communications is to put yourself in a position to be heard."
   Actually, I think that worked out rather well as I quickly hit the "5
   things you need to know in 15 seconds" then sat back and let the
   rotation go on; if the EOTY remembers anyone from that meeting I'm
   sure it will be me. The rest of the meeting I relied on thoughtful,
   profound eyebrow movements to make up for what I was missing in
   vocalization.
   The worst part was Tuesday night. I had been saving some tasty morsel
   for myself, but when I went to the refrigerator it was gone! "Hey!
   Where's my ...." I said, except that it came out sounding more like,
   "Heh! Wissss shhhh meh, meh!" I was like Mufasa without his roar. I
   had to go into the living room where the rest of the family was and
   pantomime a tantrum. I pounded my fist into my open, up-turned palm
   and twisted it. I slashed my finger across my throat. I swung my arms
   up and out to diagram a large mushroom cloud. The effect was less than
   satisfying as the response was more amused than repentent. Arrrgghhh!
   (Boy, my throat hurts just typing that!)
   Oh well, it was probably for the best. Some things really are better
   left unsaid.