[Dean's World] Scott Kirwin: The Worst Popular Songs Ever Made

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Posted by Scott Kirwin:
The Worst Popular Songs Ever Made
http://www.deanesmay.com/posts/1167857776.shtml


   I walked into the local [1]Wawa this morning and heard what I believe
   to be one of the all-time worst songs ever written: "[2]You're So
   Vain" by Carly Simon. 

   Now, I'm pretty much a Law & Order kind of guy. However when I hear
   that song I pretty much want to hunt down every musician, every single
   studio exec and of course, Carly Simon - kidnap them and place them in
   a grey walled ventilated room, lock the doors and play that song over
   speakers in the ceiling over. And over. Again - for, I don't know,
   three days. Then I want to open the door and see who if anyone has
   survived without going completely, irrevocably insane.

   If there is a Hell and I'm destined for it, rest assured that Lucifer
   himself will be spinning that record when I arrive.

   Another song that I loathe with every ounce of my being: "[3]American
   Pie" by [4]Don McLean. If any song could possibly symbolize the reason
   why in the 1980s I turned into a rabid Hippie-hating punk rocker, it's
   that song. While the mohawk is gone, my hatred of hippies remains -
   thanks to "American Pie".

   The lethargy of that song, the self-absorption and ennui caused by
   smoking too much dope and not giving a rats ass about anything... Yep
   that symbolizes everything I hated about the Hippies.

   And speaking of hippies...

   "[5]Feel Like Makin' Love," by Bad Company comes in a close third.
   While I personally like some of Bad Company's '70s rock, this song has
   about as much sex appeal as a red neck passed out in a pool of his own
   vomit.

   No doubt there were thousands of 8-tracks made with that song on it by
   horny teenaged boys in the 1970s who played it for their girl in their
   jacked-up Chevies. I also have no doubt that the song could have
   single-handedly lowered the premarital sex statistic had thousands
   more been recorded and played at the most "opportune moments."

   Any other Worst Songs Ever made? Please limit yourself to Popular
   Songs. Stay away from the obscure - like [6]Monte Video & the
   Cassette's Shoop-Shoop, Diddy-Wop, Cumma-Cumma, Wang-Dang - which by
   the way I actually bought in 1983...

References

   1. http://www.wawa.com/
   2. http://www.carlysimon.com/vain/vain.html
   3. http://www.don-mclean.com/americanpie.asp
   4. http://www.don-mclean.com/
   5. http://www.lyricsfreak.com/b/bad+company/feel+like+making+love_20011734.html
   6. http://www.classic45s.com/product_info.php?products_id=21492&cPath=21_30_63