[Dean's World] Dean: On Masculinity

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Posted by Dean:
On Masculinity
http://www.deanesmay.com/posts/1162427821.shtml


   While many positive things have come out of feminism in the last 100
   years, I think some negative things have come out of it too. And,
   being a male who came of age in the 1980s, I think the most negative
   thing was that a lot of young men were confused about what constituted
   good behavior.

   Boys my age often felt the need to be either simpering and apologetic,
   or reactionary and brutish. Because there was a tendency to denigrate
   traditionally masculine behavior with contempt--as if there was never
   anything good in traditional masculine behavior.

   It happened to me a lot when I was younger: being strong and brave and
   protective was treated like a bad thing. Being "sensitive and caring
   and apologetic" was to be praised. Funny thing being that a lot of
   guys who behaved that way were not treated all that well by the girls.
   They told us they wanted X behaviors but when we expressed those
   behaviors they didn't like us that much after all.

   This has been very tough on young men for some time now: they were
   told they had to apologize for certain behaviors, but not told what
   better behaviors were. Or worse, they were told to just be more
   feminine and it would all be good--the result of which was that most
   young women treated most young men with contempt.

   Unlike a lot of people on the left, I think there are certain
   behaviors and attitudes we're given at birth. Some of those are
   negative and some are positive, but most are hard-wired--at least at a
   certain level. Yes, it's possible to overstate that. Yes, some boys
   are a little more "sensitive" and some girls are a little more
   "tomboyish" and that's fine. But the predominant view has been to deny
   all of this and wedge it into an artificially constrained "it's all
   socialization!" mentality that just isn't right.

   Take, for example, one of my favorite Hollywood moments of all time,
   which I re-post here:

   [EMBED]

   Hopefully that link still works by the time you read this. It's from
   [1]this movie you should own.

   What struck me about that video when I posted it was that more than
   one female Dean's World commenter noted how "masculine" Gene Kelly
   was, and how much she appreciated that.

   Masculine? You mean he wasn't graceful? You mean he wasn't delicate at
   times? You mean he was insensitive? You mean he was brutish and
   stupid?

   Bollox! They didn't mean that at all.

   But just watch him go through it: big barrel chest, huge shoulders,
   exuberant self-confidence, and impressive strength displayed without
   arrogance. The lantern jaw and the big brow ridges and the huge smile
   don't hurt either.

   In fact, you know what? If you were Gene Kelly's girlfriend and you
   went to some restaurant or bar and they treated you poorly, you're
   pretty sure his first response wouldn't be to stand up and defend your
   honor. Instead he'd wait for YOU to defend your honor, and then if you
   needed help he'd back you up 100%.

   Yeah, maybe he'd order dinner for you--but only if you wanted him to.

   And if you pulled out the cigarette and without even thinking he
   whipped out the lighter and lit it for you? Admit it: you'd damn near
   swoon.

   I think our culture has sometimes been right in criticizing and
   questioning traditionally "sexist" attitudes. But there's another side
   too: can't we just enjoy our differences and celebrate them?

   Every woman I know who is familiar with Gene Kelly's work says the
   same thing: they love his raw masculine energy. Or as a young woman I
   met a couple of years told me confidentially, "I kind of like it that
   my boyfriend cries now and then at movies... just so long as it's not
   more than me."

   I think we should love and respect our differences, not deny that they
   exist at all.

   What, am I out of line here?

References

   1. http://www.amazon.com/Singin-Rain-Two-Disc-Special-Charisse/dp/B00006DEF9/sr=1-1/qid=1162262774/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-8853149-7088028?ie=UTF8&s=dvd/deansworld01-20