[Dean's World] Andrew Cory: Thoughts on my life:

[notify at powerblogs.com]

Posted by Andrew Cory:
Thoughts on my life:
http://www.deanesmay.com/posts/1150484953.shtml


   Back around 9/11, I gave serious thought to joining the military.
   Obviously I never did. When we went into Iraq, I was right there,
   saying we ought to hang Saddam. This gives me some moral
   responsibility to put my own skin on the line. Thus far I have failed
   in my moral responsibility. Those are the kinds of responsibilities I
   most dislike failing...

   I had excuses. Iâm still in school. Iâve graduated. The GF will break
   up with me if I go. She broke up with me anyway. my cat... was being
   abused by my roommate and I shipped him off to a friendâs. Heâs taken
   care of. my books can go into storage. And these excuses are starting
   to sound lame...

   The simple fact is that Iâm terrified. Not of dyingâto be honest
   (childish as it sounds) I donât really believe it could happen to me.
   No, the terror that keeps me from enlisting is the simple cold fear of
   failure. If I join, I think, Iâd suck. A lot. And I wouldnât be able
   to walk away. Worse: what if I donât even make it through basic?
   Failure, failure, failure...

   I donâtâas a very strong ruleâgive into fear. Indeed, I tend to see
   fear as a guidepost for where I should tread next, rather than
   something to hold me back. And yet here I am...