[Dean's World] Dean: Where Do You Draw The Line As A Parent?

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Posted by Dean:
Where Do You Draw The Line As A Parent?
http://www.deanesmay.com/posts/1149243094.shtml


   When Rosemary and I started out as parents--that is, when we realized
   we were pregnant and a baby was coming--we tended to have some very
   conservative ideas about how we were going to do things. Some of it,
   amusingly, flew out the window once the baby was actually here. Some
   of it stuck.

   Overall we think we've done a good job. Our oldest Jake is just
   finishing up 3rd grade, is an honor roll student who also constantly
   gets good remarks on his excellent behavior, and he's also well-liked
   by his classmates and by the other kids in the neighborhood--including
   kids both younger than him and older than him, which is an important
   sign (to me anyway) of a good kid. Heck when I was his age I had a lot
   more trouble both socially an in school, so if the goal of a parent is
   to give your kids at least a little better than you yourself had it,
   then so far so good (at least if results are an indicator).

   Our younger one Drake it's a bit harder to draw a bead on since he's
   not even 18 months yet, but he's a laughy, bubbly, sly little
   trickster and, while he's still not wanting to talk, he obviously
   understands a lot around him. He also thinks that [1]this is the
   coolest and funniest video in the world, so you know he'll probably
   grow up cool. (Seriously, he laughs so hard he gets hiccups, and he
   likes to hear it turned up to 11. His older brother liked Stevie Ray
   Vaughan when he was that age, so you know, with the Esmay boys it's
   all about the guitar.)

   Here's the funny thing: we ignore a lot of consensus wisdom from both
   "liberals" and "conservatives" on child-rearing.

   1) We are very rare to spank, but we do not have an absolute rule
   against it.

   2) We make weak efforts to shield our kids from nudity or from
   "obscene" language. Yet we make sure they understand that while words
   are just words, there are utterly inappropriate words that should
   never be used in a polite context, especially by kids. (And yes, we
   recognize thats hypocrisy--we just think some forms of hypocrisy are a
   sign of civilization).

   3) We monitor violence in media a lot more closely, however.

   4) A direct question from them almost always gets a direct,
   non-evasive response, but without trying to overburden them with more
   information than they need. As in, things like a penis or a vagina or
   where babies come from, they get straight answers--without trying to
   hide anything, but without trying to give them more details than they
   really need or want.

   5) You can watch as much TV and play as many video games as you
   want---so long as your grades are good, your chores are done, and you
   aren't in any trouble at school or at home.

   6) Daddy and Mommy can be made fun of in a light manner, but genuine
   disrespect is not tolerated, lying is not tolerated, and disobedience
   is not tolerated. We're their parents, not their buddies. We can be
   buddies in 20 years--maybe.

   I suppose some of that sounds "liberal," and some of it sounds
   "conservative."

   I'm certain many of you are parents, hope to be one day, and you have
   your own thoughts on what you believe you'd do when you became a
   parent, vs. what you actually would do, vs. what you wish you'd
   started off better doing. It's a bit early for Rose and I to visit the
   "wish we'd done better" department, but I'm sure we'll have those
   thoughts in the future.

   How about you?

References

   1. http://www.rathergood.com/punk_kittens/