[analphilosopher] Keith Burgess-Jackson: Bottom Stories

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Posted by Keith Burgess-Jackson:
Bottom Stories
http://www.analphilosopher.com/posts/1154470955.shtml


   I love James Taranto's Best of the Web Today, which is why I link to
   it every weekday. James has a feature called "Bottom Stories of the
   Day." Here are today's items:

     "Venezuela Says It 'Will Not Cut Off Oil' to US"--headline,
     Financial Times, July 31

     "Pub Will Not Close--Landlord"--headline, EDP24 (Norfolk, England),
     July 31

     "Brad Pitt Will Not Marry Angelina Jolie, According to
     Family"--headline, Fashion Monitor Toronto, July 30

     "Pakistan Will Not Model Madrassas on West Bengal
     System"--headline, Pakistan Daily Times, July 30

     "Man Behind Failed Barney Fife Tribute Not Angry"--headline,
     Associated Press, July 31

   I know that James is playing around, but sometimes saying that
   something did not occur says a lot, for it implies that it was
   expected to occur. The classic example is the cabin boy's notation in
   the ship's log: "Captain not drunk today." Another example: "Brian
   Leiter didn't abuse anyone today."